Time For a Change
It feels like I’ve been working on unpacking and organizing our new digs the entire summer. Days off have not only spent running after Gunnar but also with my hair up in a bun and sweat pants on getting into it with our closets. Which wouldn’t be such a big deal If I didn’t loathe feeling like I look a mess. Growing up we always dress proper and look our best. So wearing sweatpants and not having my hair washed has been a very new and different experience for me. Before pregnancy I never realized it was an issue.
For the most part I had an easy pregnancy. I only really had problems during the beginning. Mentally it was an exhausting journey. I felt alone, I couldn’t really tell anyone yet and if I did tell someone I felt like they just didn’t understand. I mean really, how could I expect something to understand? Pregnancy isn’t something you can easily explain, the experience is different for everyone. In my experience I felt ugly…Until the day came when I started to show and suddenly all those feelings changed. Something about that bump just gave me so much confidence. I felt so beautiful. For the first time I felt like I was seeing myself through Sam’s eyes and it felt amazing. It was like the rollercoaster I was on finally became fun again and what more could I do but enjoy the ride.
After having our son I could slowly feel myself slipping back into my old habits. But life was different now. I have this little person who looks at everything I do with fascination. There was a lot more to worry about besides my outfits. Still it was hard for me to let go of my old ways. I have always used fashion to express myself so it became apart of me. It was a way for me to measure my own beauty. But that is such a silly thing to say. There is no measurement on beauty. Beauty is everywhere and in everything. There are so many things that I may have not seen as beautiful at one point. Thankfully as my son grows I grow with him and the funny little things I found so important before become so meaningless. My idea of beauty has changed.
So, I am working on it. I have recently perfected the ballerina bun and am investing in black leggings. I feel confident in going to the grocery store sometimes without even looking at myself in the mirror before I leave the house. Recently I started a new daily routine for myself. First thing is the morning when I wake up I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and I stop, look at myself in the mirror as is and say, “Meg, you are beautiful just the way you are!”