Come November it will be two years since we welcomed Gunnar into the world. I can’t help but think about all that’s changed since having our little bundle. New jobs, homes, and for me a new body to work with. My post baby body, it was different but it was definitely here to stay! My hips widened and my youthful skin had gained a scar or two. But I was okay with that, I wore my stretch marks like a “badge of honor”. I was proud of them and the way my body had changed. Yes, I was overweight and looked like a completely different version of myself but I also just created a life and then gave birth to that being so I was okay with that. I knew eventually I wanted to go back to my old work out routine and be that young fit mom we all see on tv but I wasn’t ready yet. My mind and body had just gone to war in that delivery room. I was different now the Meghan who had gone into the hospital at 4am that Saturday morning was gone and I was now a new version of myself.
During my pregnancy I would look through magazines and see famous women talking about post baby work outs and how they got their bodies back. I used to collect different pointers and tip for when I was dealing with the same thing. After nine months of having little to no control over your body you think, “once this baby is out of me I am getting back to who I was before.” Which is exactly what I thought until I gave birth. Sitting in our hospital room I watch Gunnar sleep and thought about all the possibilities for our lives together. I wanted to change and be the best version of myself. Not only for Gunnar and Sam but after all I had just experience I felt I owed it to myself to make the best out of life.
I took all the advice I had collected and I got rid of it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to lose weight I just didn’t want to rush to do it. My whole pregnancy and delivery was a very enlightening and eye-opening experience and I wanted to honor that and the new body I was given. I could have done cardio 5 times a week, ate like a bird and I would have been back to my pre-baby weight in no time. But mentally I just wasn’t there yet, I was at the beginning of an adventure and I wanted to take my time.
At first I struggled with my self-esteem and feeling bad when I would look in the mirror. I am not going to lie sometimes I would sit and cry while looking at facebook. Especially during the summer time, I’d see all my friends looking tan and fit whie I am over here feeling like a beached whale. But then I would hear Gunnar’s laugh or watch him reach a new mile stone and it would remind me to enjoy the beauty in this new journey we were on together. It wasn’t going to be easy but I knew if I didn’t love myself the way I looked then how was I ever going to gain the confidence I needed to improve. My solution? I decided to force myself to love! I would look in the mirror every morning and say, “Meghan, I love you. You’re beautiful.” I did this every day until I finally started believing it. I started to feel comfortable in my skin and remembered to be proud of all that I had accomplished.
Eventually I was ready I wanted to add some cardio into life. Gunnar was getting older and one store was up and running the other was on its way and I felt like I was ready. My main goal was to show Gunnar an active lifestyle. Something I was not familiar with. I was never the “go for a run” type of girl my daily routine pre baby was a mixed of making or baking and then of course always ended with sushi and drinks with the girls. So this was all new to me but I was excited to get started! I’d given myself the space and time I needed to grow.
I started to work at our new store in Doylestown and everything was moving along nicely. I was able to keep up with my cardio and healthy eating. Which was great because we’re right next to a pizzeria and a five guys burgers. ? One day in April while putting inventory out on the floor I came across this beautiful denim romper. So of course I did what any woman would do I stopped all my work duties and ran to the back to try it on. Sadly it did not fit, which didn’t get me down! If it didn’t fit it wasn’t meant to be. I love myself the way I look and my main rule throughout the experience was that I would rush the process.
Now it is September and we only have one left and it’s a Medium… I was feeling adventurous the other day and decided to try it on. To my surprise it fit! I was really proud of myself, sure weight loss can sometimes be fun but that wasn’t what made me proud. I was proud of myself for not giving up or giving in. Instead of running away from my new body I accepted myself the way it was and learn a lot more than I ever thought I would. Sure not every day it great but over all I have never loved myself more and I am grateful for all the good times and the bad times in between. They taught me so much about my body and what is really important in life. No matter what size I am I know now that it doesn’t matter all that truly matters is self-love. If you love yourself you can do anything.