Goals, Goals, Goals!
This year I didn’t do Halloween, with zero time and energy for the occasion, finding a costume for myself became more of a choir than fun. So I opted out of it for this season. The boys have their costumes and that’s really all the mattered. Until this morning, when Gunnie decided to freak because he decided he no longer wanted to be a super hero. Now, he HAD to be a scary ghost, no other costume would do. But unfortunately I’m not a miracle worker and even if I had my sewing machine set up, it just wasn’t happening. Alas I’m not that mama I don’t have it together and dealing with two kids instead of one has become more challenging that I originally anticipated. I know I’ve said this a million times but it’s the truth I’m not going to sugar coat it for anyone including myself. Just because I write a post about it doesn’t mean it magically stops being a problem in my life. So I’m still working on it, the stress and anxiety of postpartum life will be here for a while but not forever. So in the midst of all this morning drama I decided to let him have his freak out, did Bodhi eventually join in on the fun of course but I was going to let them go through it because what else can I do. Sometimes to be a good mom we have to step away and not solve the problem.
So what did I do while I stepped away, I found an outfit, the perfect outfit for today’s mood. I wanted something casual and comfortable. After all it is Halloween and I’ll be running from work to Gunnie’s Halloween parade then back for trick or treating so I already know I’ll have zero time to change later. Looking through my closet I thought, “if I could wear anything what would I wear?”. I wanted to look confident even though I was feeling zero of that. I wanted to look stylish like I had it all together even though again not feelin’ that way either. Then I saw it, this new denim jacket I’d been wanted to wear for a couple of weeks now. Finally I was giving myself the time I need to pull it together and then I decide, BAM. This will be my costume, a stylish mama conquering the world without a care in the world. I must say I think I pulled it off. Will I be that woman I’m striving for, maybe one day. Will I get it all together like it was when we only had one bouncing little boy maybeeee but I’m going to make a conscious effort to stop being so hard on myself and stop forcing the process. Essentially that is what I’m doing and I need to stop, being so hard on myself is only creating a more frazzled crazy Meg, and that is a scarier Halloween costume and one the world really doesn’t need to see.