One working mama's journey to leading a happy and stylish life with little ones

Month: September 2016

Cozy Knits and Rainy Fall Nights

Cozy Knits and Rainy Fall Nights

We’ve reached the end, summer is OVER and I’m ready to trade my summer dresses in for cozy knits and textured fabrics. That baby bump had put a serious damper on my summer style. So it only makes sense that I would be looking forward to this upcoming […]

Fall Favorites: Ombre of Colors

Fall Favorites: Ombre of Colors

Fall has arrived, ohh how I’ve wanted to say that for weeks now. This is my personal favorite time of year, the layers and scarves, the PSLs, and of course the sweaters. All of it makes for any amazing season. But my favorite part of […]

Anxiety, Postpartum, and A Stay-cation

Anxiety, Postpartum, and A Stay-cation

So if you hadn’t noticed I took some time off from the blog. It was needed, from the moment Bodhi was born it was all, “Go, go, go”. I felt like if I didn’t keep moving I would never get back on my feet. Which worked great for a little thankfully I was able to go back to work a week after delivery but I didn’t realize mentally I was still healing. I was always one of those women, the ones who would sit there confused about why people struggled with postpartum issues of any kind. With our first I was able to take three to four months off and then even after that he came to work with me everyday. So really I had only good experiences to go from. I didn’t have bouts of depression or trouble with anxiety. I had so much time to get to know myself as a new mom that I didn’t even recognize that I was still healing.

So this time around of course I wanted to get back to work ASAP. I figured everything went so well the first time that I wouldn’t have a problem getting back into the swing of things. But I was very wrong. I was starting to feel anxious all the time, I’d have moments where all of a sudden I couldn’t breath. It was hard and something I’m not used to. Out of no where I would feel this wave of fear and emotion come over me. So I talked to my doctor! At first I was too embarrassed to bring up how I was feeling. I felt ashamed that I was having problems. After all I wanted to get pregnant, I wanted a baby, all of those things meant I had to accept the good stuff with the bad. But still it was hard to except I was having issues, even harder to admit to those problems. I generally like to sweep it under the rug until the problem dissolves on its own. But finally as my routine check up was about to end I blurted it out. I told her everything about my anxiety and fear I was feeling. I told her it wasn’t a big deal, “I was handling it.” After all it was only happening once a day, to me this was nothing I didn’t really think it was that big of a deal. Then I saw her face, while this wasn’t  a”BIG deal” I could tell by her look that it was still a problem. She told me that having attacks like these no matter how minor was nothing to ignore.

Together we worked out a plan and I felt I was making moves in all the right places. It wasn’t till a few days after that appointment that I realized I needed to take things more seriously then I was. I had Gunnar and Bodhi all to myself while my husband was out running errands. At first I felt like I had everything under control but then they both started crying at once. Shortly after that I too was crying. I started to feel like the flood gates were opening, like everything I had held in so tightly was rushing out and I couldn’t control anything.  I cried because my hormones didn’t know up from down, because I was so sleep deprived I couldn’t think, because for a very moment I was worried having a second was a mistake and that made me feel awful. Then my husband came home to all three of us, all crying together, hugging one another on the floor in the living room. Looking back on it now I can’t help but laugh. I was so worried I was doing everything wrong that I couldn’t think straight, I was also extremely sleep deprived.

After a great conversation with my husband and a few deep breaths I realized it was time for an adjustment. It was time to move my priorities around. And to do that I needed to take a mini stay-cation away from everything and just regroup. So to keep my mind balanced and focused on finding a time and a place for everything, I set the blog aside just for a week. It felt good and was something I needed to do. But now I’m back to writing and it feels great! I’m still of course working through my fears and worries. Slowly I know I will overcome it. For now I’m just giving myself the time and understanding I need to work through it. A lot of this is my hormones evening out but if I don’t take it seriously it could turn into something more. So as of Saturday I’ll be taking some time off from work as well. I felt like it would be good to take time away from everything separately doing something like that all at once my shock my system and well it’s already shocked so keeping things as even as possible is needed! I think it’s good to take mental health vacations now and then. I’ve always done it ever since I was younger and I’m not about to stop now! So here to finding balance and loving every minute of it. From the panic attacks to learning how to deal with it all I’m excited for all this new journey as to offer me.

 

Motherhood Update: Bodhi at 1 Month

Motherhood Update: Bodhi at 1 Month

I’m going to document what’s new with Bodhi and myself as a new mom of TWO, on a monthly basis just like I did with my pregnancy. From his likes and dislikes, to who he looks like more (ME) as he ages, each month I’m going […]

Our First Week Back!

Our First Week Back!

Well, today marks the end of our first full week back at work. Of course it was challenging but it was also just what we needed. We’ve dealt with a multitude of crisis, such as spit up, formula switch ups and not having enough clothes. After all that here we […]

The “Me” List

The “Me” List

I’ve put together lists of to-do for Gunnar’s room, Bodhi’s room, our house in general. I’m super proud to say I did accomplished it all before Bodhi’s arrival. But what I hadn’t done was create a list of “must accomplish” for myself. Thankfully my husband brought that to my attention a couple of months ago and well before Bodhi was born. We as moms and wives and well women in general spend so much time trying to keep it all together. With my last days of pregnancy ahead of my I feel it’s important that I spend some time on me. Taking care of my body and mind as well as getting myself ready for whats going to be a BIG transition.

It is honestly my only regret when I was pregnant with Gunnar.Yes, a “Me” list, I’m talking about a list of things I want to get down for myself before that baby comes. With Gunnar I didn’t really understand how much life would change so I didn’t see the importance of creating such a thing. Sam and I didn’t have a dinner or a walk around town we shared as our last time we can just get up and go. We didn’t make any special arrangements for couples spa treatments or get pampered at all. Practically it was because I had horrible back labor for the last month of my pregnancy. My days would start great but by night I’d be suffering. So I’d take all the time I had to get everything ready to go. With this pregnancy I thankfully didn’t experience anything like it so I was actually able to enjoy my last month of pregnancy. Now that I’m through it and our little blue is here

The “Me” List

  1. Get my hair done right before delivery. I know this one can be hard especially when you really can’t be certain when your baby will arrive but I like to get my hair done 2 weeks before delivery. This time I went lighter, I loved my ombre but I’m over it. With a new baby comes a new mama and this mama wants to go blonde. At least for a little, I wanted a fresh look something different. With Gunnar I didn’t really think about my hair before he was born. I didn’t think about my hair at all until after. By then I was attached at the hip to him and the thought of leaving him for 2-3 hours to get my hair done scared me. I was a new mom just trying to figure it all out, so leaving him wasn’t an option. I’ll admit I think that’s the longest I’ve every gone without a hair cut and I’ll never do it again. Now that Bodhi has arrived I still can’t grasped the concept of leaving his side. He comes to work with me and he sleeps right next to my bed. Eventually in due time we will have a little separation but he’s like two-weeks old so I think we are doing just fine at the moment. IMG_2552
  2. Purchase postpartum work out and regular clothing. IMPORTANT, extremely important and something I stupidly didn’t do the first time around. I had planned to keep wearing my  maternity clothing, I figured my body would be in a different place and I wouldn’t lose the weight right away so this would work out just fine. Well, I was wrong, it was so uncomfortable. I didn’t have anything to give my postpartum belly the support it needed. One day only a week into postpartum life I decided to take a trip to the mall. After ten minutes I started to get the most agonizing pains in my abdomen, just when I couldn’t take anymore I started to bleed everywhere. While I’ll spare you all the intimate details lets just say it was a horrible experience and I had to leave. After that I was too embraced to go out. It took me 4 more weeks to build up the confidence to leave the house. SO, this time around I’ve already invested in the essentials. I also learned that you need to size up big time. My body was so swollen this time around that in the beginning I had to go up two sizes until I lost my water weight.
  3. Pedicure and manicures are a must.  I went to my favorite spa in Lambertville, Zanya’s. It’s a very relaxing spa. Out of the way which was great because I could really just be at peace and by myself there. I decided to go with something simple, a gel pedicure and manicure. I want my fingers and toes looking fresh for the big day so gels were a perfect choice! Of course I went with more neutral tones for my nails but hey I’m a Taurus we love our earthy colors!
  4. Book a spa appointment. For me I took number 3 and turned it into a spa pedi and mani. IMG_1043
  5. Organize a little space of my own. Pick a room or a corner in your house and make it your own. Set it up however you’d like maybe with magazines and books or with one of your favorite hobbies near by. Make it your own, something that you can sit down and just spend time doing on your own. Once your baby comes along I promise you there will still be a tiny amount of down time. Sometimes you’ll want to sleep but other times you’ll want to just do something for yourself. Maybe it’s during nap time or when he or she is just content laying in their bassinet but still you will have a moment that is all yours, I promise. So have something set up and organized can be great for you to keep your mind active when you feel stuck at home.
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  6. Spend some alone time with my husband/partner. This one is super important, we didn’t understand how different life was going to be after our first. So I’m trying to soak up as much alone time with Sam as possible before baby Bodhi is born. We sent Gunnar to stay with my mother in law for the night on the Friday before my due date. We took a nice walk into town and enjoyed a relaxing meal just the two of us. No time limits, no restrictions, just peace of mind and communication between me and the love of my life. IMG_6447
Oodles of Zoodles

Oodles of Zoodles

So I was recently gifted the most amazing contraption, a zoodle maker. I think it’s really a fascinating kitchen appliance. And honestly a really great gift for a woman who just gave birth. Even though I’m only around 2 weeks postpartum I can’t help but start to […]